The Flat Hat: Behind Closed Doors

Behind Closed Doors

Summer lovin'

04/22/2008

I have so many things left to say, so many closed doors yet to open. And with the summer fast approaching, there are so many more sexual topics that need to be discussed.

Why men get the shaft

04/16/2008

I have a confession to make: I have a vagina. Yes, it’s true. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about penis issues.

Calculating relationship stats

04/08/2008

When you’re considering a new mate, it’s pretty common to wonder about his or her sexual history. Whether you’re dealing with some chick you met at the frats or a man who you want to bring home to mom, the question always seems to arise.

What was really goin’ on in Noah’s Ark

04/01/2008

There’s nothing like music to get you in the mood. And I’m not saying I’m a groupie, though I may be sleeping with a man in a band. But that’s irrelevant. What is relevant is that his band’s name is Sperm Whales and Harmony. In my opinion, calling a species “sperm whales” is the animal kingdom equivalent of naming your child Hugh Johnson or Kitty Longa. So, I felt the need to investigate this species....

Rethinking the birds and the bees

03/25/2008

Ah, spring is in the air. Flowers are blooming, the sun is shining and the birds and the bees are preparing for a little excitement. The Cherry Blossom Festival will soon take place in D.C., and thousands of cherry blooms will be popped. And let’s not forget, it’s the mating season for many animals. Given the time of year, I think it’s apt that we have a little heart-to-heart about the concept of virginity and...

Learning about sex the hard way

03/21/2008

I’m not positive, but I’m going to hazard a guess that the majority of the College has had some sort of sexual-health education.

Cosmo ain’t got nothin’ on us

03/14/2008

Standing in line at the grocery store — yes, even sex columnists have to come up for air once in a while — I can’t help but notice how many magazines claim to have the secrets to an incredible sex life.

Sex can wait, masturbate

03/09/2008

I remember thinking in elementary school that I was the only one of my friends without a dog. It didn’t help that every time I would go to one of their houses, I would see their dog, play with their dog, hear them talk about their dog and end up...

Make every day Valentine’s Day

02/15/2008

The Valentine’s Day column. Man, that’s a tall order for a new columnist.

Say vamoose to your V-card

02/08/2008

In my first column, I stated my intentions as a sex columnist: to form a bridge between virgins and nymphomaniacs. I think I’ve taken the College a few steps across, and I have loved every awkward, humorous and spectacular moment of it.

Showcase your sexual statistics

02/01/2008

While many seniors have a good idea of their career situation come graduation, many of us — especially underclassman — may not yet have experience applying for jobs.

Dry forecast? Make it wet

01/26/2008

You wouldn’t know it from the precipitous weather that Williamsburg has been dealing with, but there’s actually a dry spell going on. Not really in terms of weather, but I hear a lot of people have hit a sexual drought.

If you aren’t in a relationship — or sometimes even if...

Adding Tobasco to spice up the new year

01/18/2008

Happy New Year and welcome back. Hopefully your break was excellent and you took that time to shatter some of those great resolutions pledged while drinking champagne.

Drink up, don't try to get it up

12/08/2007

Ah, love is in the air. Wait, that’s not the smell of love — that’s grain alcohol. Oh yeah, it’s Blowout.

The tradition of Blowout goes back to when Thomas Jefferson finished his last classes and could be seen running about sans breeches with a jug of mead.

Drinking isn’t compulsory on...