Article Tools
Share on Facebook
Seed Newsvine
Send Article
Print

A heads up on giving a blowjob

21 September 2007 | By Emily Powell, Behind Closed Doors Columnist | The Flat Hat » behind-closed-doors

For many women, the first time they perform oral sex is their first time seeing a penis up close and personal. The initial shock may be shortly followed by embarrassment as their inexperience comes to light. If you are performing fellatio because of outside pressure, don’t. For both parties, the best thing about oral sex is enthusiasm; if you’re uncomfortable, it will show in a negative way. However, if you have decided to have a go at third base, there are a few issues that may not have crossed your mind.


A few of the basic concerns are pretty easy to manage. Of course you should first discuss what you are comfortable with. Make it clear to your partner that you will go at your own pace, and if he is tempted to put his hands anywhere near the back of your head he should remind himself where your teeth are.

If you’re worried about any kind of hygiene issues, suggest a shower together beforehand. You can make sure he’s cleaning up to your standards; plus, it’s amazing foreplay. While in the shower, you could also use that time to make sure his manscaping is up to par. If not, a little trim will do the job.

A major concern for both you and the man in question is teeth. Teeth are not a desirable part of a standard blowjob, but if you have large teeth it could be hard to keep them out of the way. A useful first time tip is to take two gummy worms and put them over your teeth like a mouth guard. Moisten them a bit so that they are soft, and then go to town without the worry of injuring him. If he looks like he’s going to laugh, just tell him it’s for his own safety. Plus, men tend to enjoy the interesting sensation.

Another huge problem is, no pun intended, size. If he is a larger-than-average boy, you may be worried about just how his penis is supposed to fit into your mouth. That could also lead to pain in your jaw at a later point in time. But this should not be as big a concern as it seems. The porn industry has fooled women into believing that they are only giving good head if they are performing deep throat. This is the act of taking the whole length of the penis into your mouth and throat.

If the mere thought of this makes you gag slightly, you’re not alone. Some women can do this, and more power to them, but remember that the average mouth is only four inches deep. With a standard gag reflex, you’re looking at a little over three inches as your threshold. Don’t feel like you’re not pleasing him if you only take in the head of the penis. The head is full of nerve endings, so most of the pleasure he experiences comes from what you are doing to that region. Plus, if you can only get the head into your mouth, it is close enough to your tongue to provide him with pleasure.

Many women find it easier to have their man sit on the edge of the bed or in a chair while they kneel in front as opposed to lying on a bed. This may seem like a hindrance to feminism, but remember, as long as you are in control of his member, you are definitely in control of him.

Another way to help keep him in check is to use one, or even both, of your hands. Keep one hand firmly around the base of his penis to stop him from moving around too much, and place your other hand flush with your lips, using it to control how deep he enters your mouth as you move. To keep a rhythm, sing through some songs in your head, getting gradually faster. Better yet, hum the songs — the vibrations will be a pleasant surprise for him.

A few last minute tips are all about lubrication. This starts with making sure your lips are not chapped; a little lip balm can ensure that. If you don’t think you have enough saliva to be comfortable, there are plenty of store-bought options that also have the added plus of appetizing flavors. However, if a flavor sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Stick with the tried and true flavors like strawberry or mint. As for the ending, the cleanup or lack of it is really up to you. Again, don’t feel outside pressure from either side. But once it’s done, then your fun can begin — ask him to return the favor.

Emily Powell is the Flat Hat sex columnist. Her favorite flavor is strawberry.

  1. Hey — a BJ is “third base?” You must tell us what is first and what is second!


    — Jimmy    Sep 22, 06:47 AM    #

  2. This article is rather shocking to me. I guess times have changed. I remember when oral sex was considered MORE intimate than ordinary intercourse (it was a “fifth base”). It now seems to me that some women consider this act to be very casual in nature. I’d like to hear what students think — male and female. Is oral sex less serious than vaginal sex? Why or why not?


    — Sally    Sep 22, 02:17 PM    #

  3. I hope your getting constructive criticism and not just malice, because it’s important for people to know when they have done something or written something offensive or off base, which you have. I appreciate you taking up the mantel, Kate left some big shoes, and it’s certainly a daunting task, so kudos. This isn’t confrontation for the sake of being argumentative- if you are going to continue writing sex advice articles I would strongly advise you to try and read your work from the perspectives of someone other than yourself- for instance, how might a woman who doesn’t want to have oral sex or any sex with a man feel about this? How might a man feel about you talking about him as though his grey matter was all in his pants? How might a feminist who doesn’t appreciate glib off color and uninformed jokes at the expense of the cause? There are many other perspectives and people who have or could be offended and I encourage you to seek out such people, they would give you a world of insight and lessen the outrage that has already been mounting against some of your articles. Good luck.


    — Morgan    Sep 23, 10:57 PM    #

  4. A BJ is fifth base? Grow up. Anal is fifth base.


    — Mahmoud    Sep 24, 01:18 AM    #

  5. Emily, Editors and Advisers, I am sure that the Flat Hat crew feels that they are being oh so controversial and worldly with this article…. There is nothing academically informative or cerebrally stimulating about this. This is more freedom of crap than freedom of speech. Grow up!!!


    — john    Sep 24, 04:08 PM    #

  6. I thought the gummy worm tip was very useful! Seriously!


    — W.S.    Sep 24, 10:10 PM    #

  7. I’m disappointed; couldn’t the Flat Hat have included some reference to STD prevention and the emphasis on the virtues of being intimate with someone you LOVE (in this piece)?


    — AJY    Sep 26, 08:45 AM    #

  8. Why is college money financing this garbage?


    — anon    Sep 26, 10:00 PM    #

  9. Sally—I think oral sex today has become less serious than intercourse because young people (including those who follow religious teachings about pre-marital intercourse) wanted a sexual act they could perform that, afterwards, would still allow them to say “I’m a virgin.”

    Emily—Thanks for the informative article.


    — Ashley    Sep 27, 06:00 PM    #

  10. Wow. I can’t believe how lame people at William and Mary still are. Emily, this article is fantastic. Much as I love Kate, her sex column was always tragically devoid of sex. As a proud slut, I must say that this piece is brilliant. Kids at W&M need to learn how to have good sex; God knows it’s not like they’re practicing.

    To those who are offended by Emily’s legitimate, informed, and well-articulated perspective, I suggest that you read all of the other parts of the Flat Hat. The paper is full of nonoffensive, uninteresting manuer for uninteresting people who don’t like to be offended to read. The sex column should be about sex. Emily writes about sex from her perspective: that of a well-adjusted, self-empowered woman who is not ashamed of the fact that she knows how to give a good blowjob. She is careful to infuse her piece with a feminist perspective, Morgan. I’m sorry, but an article about fellatio need not cater to the aesthetics of lame lesbian so-called feminists. If you don’t want to read about how to suck cock well, you didn’t have to pick through the article. It’s clear that Emily’s detractors are looking for something to be offended about, when really they should just admit that they’re prudes and choose not to read about sex if the topic itself makes them squeamish.

    My only advice for Emily: use gender-neutral pronouns when possible. Some of us boys like to suck cock too ;)


    — Sean    Sep 28, 12:30 AM    #

  11. i would have to say that unlike certain visual propaganda, the written word really can never be called “freedom of crap” given that you have to exert some degree of conscious willing effort in order to comprehend what is being expressed. It is not a song that you cant help but hear, or a picture you cant help but see, it is a bunch of words that you have to put together before you can be offended. the flat hat is crap anyway, so why do we get our panties in a bunch over something like this. those offended really just exploit the already over-stigmatized existence of socialized sexual perception and are told to be offended by anything other than either, depending on your political affiliations (sad but true) complete prudeness and morality, or complete political correctness. fuck that, its sex, its dirty and stinky and fun and we are mammals and we have blood flowing to our genitalia. i cant spell, but i like to fuck and suck and all that good stuff, so who cares if this article doesnt perfectly stimulate me. at least SOMEONE is talking about it.

    fuck the dissenters for not having properly substantiated arguments


    — sean    Sep 28, 04:55 PM    #

  12. I think Morgan’s point, Sean, is that all of Emily’s columns come from the same point of view and address the same audience. The “boob” column was all about how guys loves boobs. The “blowjob” column is all about how gals can give guys blowjobs. Every column I’ve read (which I believe is all of them) has been extremely heteronormative and rather totalizing. I think the idea of a sex column is great, but only if we address more than ONE version of human sexuality.


    — Devan Barber    Sep 29, 02:39 PM    #

  13. The only thing that suprises me is that you had to mention feminism and how pathetic that actually is when discussing sex.This aint a one sided thing again for the feminists.what a joke.


    — wayde    Sep 29, 03:29 PM    #

  14. Sean,

    It’s not about political correctness or morality. It’s about respecting and taking into account the experiences of men and women on this campus- experiences you don’t just see as not valid, but fail to recognize completely. I’m glad that you have a very open and free opinion about sex. Perhaps seeing it as something mammalian, physical, and innate rather than emotional, shameful, or socially constrained should be the goal, I don’t know. But I do know that this is not where our society is at right now, and it seems as if you are exercising a favorite hobby of a lot of current leftists and progressives- the power of positive thinking. Did everyone go read “The Secret” this summer and come back thinking “If I say something loudly and with enough force it becomes true?” Let’s not confuse our ultimate goals with reality. Sex SHOULD be free of stigma, liberating, and healthy. But for a lot of women, it simply isn’t. With so many women having been sexually assaulted, and even more having felt at some point in their life objectified, exploited, or intruded upon, sex can not become meaningless physical activity simply because we want it to. For a lot of women it still holds some elements of danger, fear, or loss of power. If we fail to validate the experiences of these women, society will never reach the point you would like it to be at. So it’s not about political correctness or morals, it’s about actual experiences. Regardless of your intentions, calling women prudes invalidates their experiences. This is in addition to your outright invalidation of lesbian experience.

    In terms of Emily’s column- I agree with Morgan and Devan. They have been very heteronormative and that is something that needs to be taken into account. (As an aside Sean, I do find it interesting that you call for gender neutrality in an article about male sexual pleasure, but were appalled at the idea that Emily might consider lesbians in her column). I echo Morgan’s kudos to Emily. Writing the sex column is certainly a huge and obviously controversial task. I admire her for taking it on and am glad that she wants to continue an open and honest dialogue about sex on this campus. Our criticism is merely for constructive purposes. It would be wrong to expect her to change the column and her writing without ever expressing our concerns with it.


    — Danielle    Oct 1, 01:17 PM    #

  15. http://youtube.com/watch?v=0hm7pp_JFOs


    — anon    Oct 2, 03:24 PM    #

  16. That video is amazing. As are the comments. I actually appreciate all the feedback (good and not so good). Keep it coming!


    — Emily Powell    Oct 2, 10:03 PM    #

  17. Engaging in the conduct recommended in this piece will surely contribute to the indefatigable spread of deadly staph infections.


    — anonymous    Oct 30, 03:59 PM    #