 | Scorpio: Oct. 23 – Nov. 21 Even though that girl continues to ignore your phone calls, e-mails, IMs and midnight serenading, just remember: Try, try again.
|  | Taurus: April 20 – May 20Just because the guy down the hall is pre-med doesn’t mean he’s qualified to remove your appendix or stich up the gash over your right eye.
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 | Sagittarius: Nov. 22 – Dec. 21 The latest Anna Nicole Smith scandal? Shocking. The amount of reading you’ve ignored to watch “CSI” reruns? Not so much.
|  | Gemini: May 21- June 21 You’ll be surprised when, after losing your ID, you discover dorm doors unlock when you say, “Open Sesame!”
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 | Capricorn: Dec. 22 – Jan. 19 Monday, a hilarious misunderstanding will lead to you accidentally outing your roommate on national television.
|  | Cancer: June 22 – July 22 The stars saw you laughing when your history reading mentioned the Hawley-Smoot Tariff. They think you should grow up.
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 | Aquarius: Jan. 20 – Feb. 18Frankly, it’s embarrassing that your favorite author is Ayn Rand. Come on. You’re in college now; put down “Atlas Shrugged.”
|  | Leo: July 23 – Aug. 22The voices in your head are right: The sorority is never going to give you a bid if your ensemble doesn’t match.
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 | Pisces: Feb. 19 – March 20 The Student Health Center will be seeing an influx of students when the flashmob you’re organizing results in 48 concussions.
|  | Virgo: Aug. 23 – Sept. 22 A living will is never a bad idea, but a regular will doesn’t matter if all you own is a “Wedding Crashers” DVD and a case of Natty.
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 | Aries: March 21 – April 19 To answer the random question you’ve probably never asked before, yes, your professor’s carpets do match her drapes.
|  | Libra: Sept. 23 – Oct. 22 The voices in your head are right: The sorority is never going to give you a bid if your ensemble doesn’t match.
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