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SA briefly meets, humorous bills introduced

Deemed “possibly the shortest SA meeting all year” by Student Assembly Vice President Valerie Hopkins ’09, this week’s meeting of the SA lasted only 35 minutes, and included seven comical bills introduced by Sen. Alex Kyrios ’09. Both newly elected and incumbent senators attended.

Following the approval of Thursday’s elections, Elections Commission Chairperson Jennifer Souers ’10 presented the signed special certification of new and re-elected members to the body. Inauguration will occur April 8 at 3 p.m. in the Wren Chapel.

Sen. Ryan Eickel ’10 proposed the Reduced Parking Fee Bill, calling for the lowering of the price of student day parking passes for involuntarily bumped students who are not reinstated before an undetermined date. The current cost per year is $275.
He noted that the bill will not obligate Parking Services to change its policy.

Sen. Matt Skibiak ’08 spoke for the bill, saying that the SA has an authoritative voice and passing the bill unanimously would legitimize the cause in the eyes of Parking Services. A call for unanimous approval received objection from Caroline Mullis ’09 and led to an individual vote that produced a 17-1 approval.

Sens. Ben Brown ’11 and Michael Douglass ’11 proposed the Student Participation and Accountability Act in response to growing student uncertainty concerning transparency. It calls for senators of every social class to write a quarterly report that will be sent via e-mail to students.

Not doing so would be considered an impeachable offense. The bill also calls for members to voluntarily provide distributable phone numbers and e-mail addresses. This act will be voted on next week.

Kyrios prepared his facetious bills to be discussed because he said he “sort of put effort into them and they were halfway legitimate.”
The Celebrate Diversity Act proposed a $2,000 salary for any SA senators not majoring in government, economics, business, international relations or public policy. The Eternal Recognition Act called for the creation of a variety of memorials for current SA members, including the Brett Phillips Memorial Crosswalk and the Caroline Mullis Memorial Condom.

The Flat Hat’s Actin’ Up Act proposed a referendum to the March 19, 2009 SA election, which would read: “The Flat Hat thinks that you only answer referendum questions based on their phrasing — essentially that you can’t think for yourself. Do you agree?” This was in reference to a Flat Hat editorial criticizing the SA for the number of referendums produced.

The Internal Affairs Act proposed a ban on intra-SA romance and stated that “ominous music should be played” whenever internal affairs are mentioned.

The Recognition of Chairman Matt Beato Act commended its namesake for his service.

The Spice Up Your Life Act called for the senate to consider forms of public entertainment such as barn-raising, cockfighting, “Matt Skibiak hugging contests” and slumber parties. The Vending Machine Freedom Ride Act called for vending machine prices to be lowered and $50,000 appropriated to subsidize student purchases.

Upon review, a motion to strike them from the agenda by Sen. Joe Luppino-Esposito ’08 ended the discussion of the legislation. Other senators seconded the motion, saying that the lack of seriousness embodied by these bills led to the reputation of SA ineffectiveness.