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‘I Am America’ offers nothing new for fans

Stephen Colbert has garnered a good deal of press ever since he announced on his show that he is running for president of the United States (though only in South Carolina). He was purportedly “testing the waters” with his recent book, “I Am America (And So Can You!),” the progeny of 2004’s “America (The Book),” by Jon Stewart ’84 and his “Daily Show” staff. Sadly, ‘I Am America’ does not quite live up to the quality and humor of its predecessor — just like Colbert and his show, “The Colbert Report.”

Colbert was the best correspondent on “The Daily Show,” hands down. His segment “This Week in God” seemed to be created for him to bop the God Rod, and it quickly fell flat when he left in 2005 for his own show, a parody of political pundits such as Bill O’Reilly and Rush Limbaugh. The problem with “The Colbert Report” is its focus on one character — Stephen Colbert. Conversely, “The Daily Show,” though anchored by and around Stewart, also relies on a variety of humor styles and personalities, including Larry Wilmore (the show’s senior black correspondent) and John Hodgman (a “resident expert” on topics ranging from Iran to art authentication to immigration to mixed martial arts).

Colbert, meanwhile, is forced to say mostly the same things over and over. His on-air persona is merely an amalgamation of outlandishly right-wing claims and ideas with a generous mix of reactionary political ideology and a dash of powerful name-dropping. I’ve never been a fan of “The Word,” the daily segment that combines a Colbert dialogue with sidekick text consisting mostly of puns, and his interviews never have the same quality of those on “The Daily Show.” But the ‘Report’ isn’t without its charms; I particularly enjoy his “On Notice” (Jane Fonda and grizzly bears) and “Dead To Me” (New York intellectuals and bowtie pasta) boards.

Unfortunately, ‘I Am America’ is more of the same — a mere extension of the show. The worst part is that it lacks the most important aspect of “The Colbert Report”: Colbert, himself. Sure, his picture is sprinkled throughout the book, but without his awesome trademark personality to deliver the jokes, the whole concept becomes decidedly pedestrian.

‘I Am America’ is peppered with juvenile humor. The 10 Commandments were “Moses’s greatest achievement, though that beard was a close second.” On evolution: “[Charles Darwin] was on the Galapagos Islands for spring break, got smashed, woke up in bed next to a monkey and then had to come up with a theory that made it all okay.” Books are scary because “you can’t spell ‘book’ without ‘boo!’”

Ha. Ha. Ha.

And “The Word,” like a bad infection, just won’t go away. The margins are full of cutesy comments on the main text. At least on the ‘Report’ you can listen to Colbert and read the puns simultaneously; in the book, you have to read the main text and then read the margin comments, breaking up the book’s flow.

‘I Am America’ is broken into chapters with subjects such as the media, sports, old people and immigrants. The chapter with the best jokes focuses on higher education. Although he compares professors to Unabomber Ted Kaczynski, a gem of a joke follows this parallel by showing how to pad a resume: “Let’s say one day you’re bored in class, so to pass the time, you make out with the Danish exchange student across the aisle. Now, on your college application, you can say that you carried out an Independent Study in Foreign Tongues.” Colbert also handily summarizes entire courses into a few sentences for quick learning.

Introduction to Formal Models in Computer Science: “Some people just don’t lose their virginity ever.”

Comparative Religion: “Jesus wins.”

Introduction to Philosophy: “If a tree falls in a forest and no one hears it, I hope it falls on a philosophy professor.”
Interracial Dynamics between Women of Color: “It’s not what you think.”

“I Am America (And So Can You!)” will, despite its flaws, rise to the top of the sale charts. Why? Because Stephen Colbert gives Oprah a run for her money when it comes to controlling the purchasing parity of his viewers, except Colbert controls young politically minded liberals instead of cheesecake-eating housewives. ‘I Am America’ could have been better, much better, but it will have to do until Colbert finds his niche in the political humor market.